Good Enough

My daugter amazes me. That is not of course, a statement that I lay exclusive claim to as a mother, but believe me when I say it.

I am amazed by the way that she gets the pasta onto her little fork, and the little fork into her mouth. I am amazed by the way she goes down the slide by herself. I am amazed by the games she makes up with a bucket and some blocks and a little perch to sit on. Why, just this morning she amazed me when she took the pants from my outstretched hand and delivered them ‘to daddy’, as I had enthusiastically instructed.

And every time she amazes me, I stop myself from from exclaiming my amazement.

Not because I don’t want her to know how proud I am; not because I think that she gets too much praise for things that she should do without expecting praise, and not because I think that she must already know that I think she’s amazing. No; I have refrained from doling out deserved praise because my instinctual response, praise-wise, seems to be,

‘Good Girl!’

And, quite frankly, that is not the praise I want my daughter to want.

I don’t think, and I don’t want my daughter to think, that being a good girl is what she should strive for. There is more to life than being good. There is more to expect from a little girl than being good.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m not looking for a bad girl; I don’t think that my toddler needs more of an edge – heaven knows, I may be pining for the thing I am eschewing once bumblebee turns, say, 14, but for now – for now, I just don’t want everything she does to become a reflection of her behaviour; of her character.

I don’t want my daughter’s accomplishments relegated to some archaic measurement whererby to be well-behaved is to be valued. I don’t want her to do things just to please me, or to prove to me how good she can be.

And so, I must come up with a new lexicon. After only 16 months of mothering, I must rethink that which, for some reason, is coming so naturally to me, and stop telling my daughter that she is good.

I’d like her to know that I appreciate her, so I will say thank you.

I’d like her to know that I am proud of her, so I will praise her efforts.

I’d like her to know how much I love the things that she does without me asking, so I will let her know how I value her independence.

I’d like her to know that she adds joy to my life, so I will let her know how much she is cherished.

I’d like her to grow to be confident, smart, loving and trusting of both herself and of us.
If I can get her there, than I will know that we’ve both done ok.

And that is as good as it gets.